What I Learned From Seeing An MS Psychologist

Being diagnosed with MS isn’t just about dealing with physical symptoms, it can also have a profound impact on your mental health. There is a higher prevalence of depression in people with MS, so making sure that you have a good support system in place and access to mental health professionals like an MS psychologist is essential. I’m a patient at Southmead Hospital which is part of the North Bristol NHS Trust and the MS team there is fantastic. One of the huge benefits of being a patient there is that they have a dedicated MS psychologist. If you are diagnosed in Bristol, they have a team who guide you through your MS diagnosis in the first few months including a physiotherapist, psychologist and MS nurse.  I was actually diagnosed in Salford and moved to Bristol, so I didn’t benefit from the “onboarding” process. However, after a few consultant sessions during which I would cry (a lot!) my consultant told me about the MS psychologist and asked me whether I would like to have some sessions with her. I had never talked to a mental health professional before as I didn’t consider myself to be struggling with my mental health on a daily basis. However, it was clear through the conversations with my consultant, that while I was dealing with life on a daily basis well, there were clearly underlying issues to do with my MS that I wasn’t processing. 

I had the sessions with my psychologist at the Brain Centre at Southmead Hospitalwhich is where I go for all of my MS consultations. She was warm and welcoming and I felt very comfortable talking to her during the 6 sessions that we had.  All of the sessions were very focused on my MS diagnosis, so there was no “tell me about your childhood” cliched psychology moments! The purpose of all of the sessions was to help me identify how I really felt about my MS diagnosis and work out how to move forward without crying when I thought about what my future with MS could look like. 

Through my sessions I realised that I was really angry about having MS. I felt like it had stopped me taking advantage of an incredible job opportunity and that many choices had been taken away from me. Ultimately, being diagnosed with MS felt so unfair and I was full of a rage that I hadn’t even been aware of.  This anger meant that I was constantly battling against my MS and every time my symptoms flared and I ended up in bed, the experience was twice as bad. This was because not only did I feel like my life was being put on pause, but I was also getting angry about it and this was having a hugely negative impact on how I felt about myself and my future.

When being diagnosed with a chronic illness, there is a grieving process that you go through for the life that you had and the possibilities that the life without illness offered. It was an important realisation for me as it helped me to understand my feelings around my MS diagnosis and gave me an awareness and appreciation of the different phases of emotions that I passed through.  My lovely mum has said to me that it takes 5 years to grieve the loss of something, whether that be a life or a relationship or another kind of loss. I can definitely see that now I am in my fifth year of living with MS, I am definitely on the other side of the grieving process. In fact, I feel like I’m thriving and that anything is possible again, but it has been a long journey with many ups and downs and twists and turns along the way.

Because I was so angry when my MS symptoms flared, I was fighting it rather than accepting it. This is a really hard thing to do, especially when you’re at the beginning of your diagnosis as there is rage and anger. However, my MS psychologist used the analogy of my MS being like a ball. At the time of attending my sessions with her I was pushing against the ball and using lots of energy fighting my MS and rejecting it. So not only was I exhausted by my symptoms, but I was also exhausted from fighting against them Instead, she suggested that I try to look at my MS as a friend that I care for and carry with me. So instead of pushing against it, I carry it at my side and we move through life together which uses a lot less energy than fighting. Of course this makes sense, but I found this quite hard to accept as a concept as I was still in a place where I didn’t want to accept it!  Over time and having attended different coaching courses I have now got to a place of acceptance. While MS is something that I live with and which is part of me, I am kind to it, because I am kind to myself. I listen to what my body needs which could be sleep, it could be exercise, it could be more water and I give it what it requires. This isn’t even something that only people with MS can benefit from, it’s something that we can ALL benefit from as listening to our bodies and giving them what they need is essential for looking after our wellbeing.  I am now calm on days that my symptoms flare and instead of fighting them, I take action to make sure that I have the time and space to rest.

Therapy and coaching are not magic pills that fix everything overnight. What they do give you are the tools to help you deal with life, moment by moment, and face the challenges that occur with power and integrity.  Moreover, my tangible results after six sessions of seeing an MS psychologist were that my results on the anxiety and depression scale improved hugely and I no longer cry in my consultant appointments! Result!  I also want to say that I now talk about my fears, but truthfully, after my coaching course, I no longer have fears in any part of my life which you can read more about here.

Have you been offered therapy sessions as part of your MS treatment? How do you feel about your MS at the moment? Please comment below and let me know.