I received my Relapsing Remitting MS diagnosis in May 2015 when I was 27. In June 2014 I had experienced numbness and a loss of feeling starting in my feet which crept all the way up to my waist. A second relapse followed in March 2015 that affected the left hand side of my torso and spread down my left arm to my hand. 

I had no idea what was happening to my body. As the symptoms began the weekend that I ended a long-term relationship, I thought (and it was suggested by all of the doctors that I talked to) that the symptoms were psychosomatic; that they were related to the stress (and release of stress) that ending the relationship caused.  I knew that I had been suppressing a lot of emotions and the break up felt like a wave of reality washing over me, so it seemed possible (and I hoped!) that my symptoms really were just a physical manifestation of my feelings. However, I was surprised, but grateful, that my GP referred me to a neurologist and that when the neurologist saw me, he ordered an MRI scan. During the almost year it took to receive my diagnosis I was told that my symptoms were probably nothing, but that because of my age, they would continue to investigate. I found this strange as I was young and fit and healthy. It was only later when I received my diagnosis that I learned that most people get diagnosed with MS in their 20s and 30s. 

To me this seemed so unfair. Here I was in the prime of my life, ready to embark on foreign adventures, beginning to build my career and looking to find love and have a family. The moment that I received my diagnosis, I feared that all of this had been cruelly taken away from me. I had no idea whether I would be able to fulfil any of the plans that I had made for my future.

To make it worse, when I began to research MS trying to learn about what it was and what kind of prognosis I could expect, I feel like what was written about were the worst case scenarios. Images of walking aids and wheelchairs appeared and every time MS was mentioned in a TV show (normally a parent with it), it was portrayed as being so difficult and such a sad situation for the family to be in. I hated it. I didn’t want to think about that possible future because it terrified me. So, instead of connecting with the MS community, I dived head first into denial and refused to meet or talk to anyone that had MS for about 3 years. 

Since diagnosis, I have gone on my own journey and been through ALL of the stages of grief until I have come to acceptance, peace and happiness. And believe me, it is a form of grief. I have grieved the person that I was before I had MS and the life that I planned for that person. I grieved for the extremely well-paid job that I had been offered to set up a Spanish department in an international school in Macao which I turned down as I would have had to leave the UK 6 weeks after being diagnosed. I am an adventurer and generally pretty fearless, but moving to the other side of the world, away from my support system without knowing how my MS was going to progress didn’t seem like the smartest idea at the time! To be honest though, that really didn’t make it any easier to accept. I went through the anger stage of grief without even knowing that I was going through it until my very lovely MS psychologist kindly pointed it out to me and began to help me work through it. Finally, I reached acceptance after attending a personal development and coaching course in November 2019 and created the possibility for myself of being power, love and inspiration.  It completely changed how I viewed my MS and helped me to overcome the fear of it that had kept me stuck as a shell of my former self. I no longer worry about my MS getting worse or ending up in a wheelchair because I know that while I cannot control what happens to me, I can control how I respond and who I am when faced with challenges.

The latest stage of the journey is writing this blog. I never wanted to be defined by my MS. There are so many other more important things that make up who I am and I didn’t want to focus on something that I used to believe made me weaker or less than who I really am. However, by accepting that I have MS and recognising that I choose whether to be defined by it or not, has given me the freedom to write, the freedom to share my story and has inspired in me the mission to be a contribution to the MS community and anyone whose lives have been touched by MS. So, I hope that you find Yes, I Have MS useful and perhaps even a little entertaining! I promise to be open and honest about my life with MS, but I also don’t intend to obsess over my symptoms. This blog and the associated social media profiles are a celebration of life and that life just so happens to be one that has MS along for the ride!