Miso Aubergines with Tofu, Sesame and Chilli
This recipe for Miso Aubergines with Tofu, Sesame and ChilliI dressing is from The Green Roasting Tin by Rukmini Iyer. I found The Green Roasting Tin recipe book on my mum’s shelf when I visited for Christmas and spent an entire afternoon pouring through the diverse array of recipes. I was inspired so much that I ordered my own copy the same day!
The Miso Aubergine with Tofu, Sesame and Chilli dressing is now a firm vegan favourite and has made it into my regular routine of recipes. I also add green beans to the tray as well as spring greens just to add an extra veggie boost. Plus, I like to sprinkle some peanuts over at the end to give it a bit of crunch.
Miso Aubergines with Tofu, Sesame and Chilli
Serves 4
Prep: 10 minutes
Cook: 45 minutes
Ingredients:
2 aubergines, halved lengthways
250g firm organic tofu, cut into 1.5cm slices
75g miso paste
2 tablespoons sesame oil
2.5cm ginger, grated
2 cloves of garlic, crushed
100g spring greens, thickly sliced
DRESSING
1 red chilli, finely chopped
2cm ginger, grated
2 cloves of garlic, grated
2 limes, zest of 1 and juice of both
2 tablespoons soy sauce
2 tablespoons sesame oil
3 spring onions, thinly sliced
TO SERVE
30g sesame seeds
Rice
Method:
And there you have it: delicious Miso Aubergines with Tofu, Sesame and Chilli served with rice and a sprinkling of chopped peanuts.
Let me know if you try the recipe and how you like it!
Find more vegan recipe inspiration in my Veganuary 2021 Roundup.
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Roasted Red Peppers with Olive and Capers from Zaitoun
This super simple and deliciously fresh vegan recipe is taken from Yasmin Khan’s beautiful book Zaitoun. My little brother Michael who is a massive foodie introduced my family to the Zaitoun recipe book and it has proved a huge hit! This Roasted Red Peppers with Olive and Capers recipe is ideal for a quick and easy midweek dinner or can be served as part of a spread alongside some of her other delicious Palestinian recipes like Hummus, Burnt Aubergine and Tahini or her Walnut and Olive Tapenade- yum!
Roasted Red Peppers with Olive and Capers
Serves 4 as part of a spread or a main with couscous and other vegetables
Ingredients:
4 red peppers
2 garlic cloves, finely sliced
4 medium tomatoes, finely chopped
2 tablespoons capers, rinsed and drained
30g pitted black olives, roughly chopped
2 tablespoons za’atar (or substitute 1 ½ tbsp dried oregano plus ½ tsp sumac)
2 tablespoons apple cider vinegar
4 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil
Sea salt and freshly ground black pepper
Method:
And voilà, you have delicious Roasted Red Peppers with Olive and Capers to serve with couscous or some lovely warm bread!
Let me know if you try the recipe and how you like it!
Find more vegan recipe inspiration in my Veganuary 2021 Roundup.
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Noor’s Black Lime Tofu from Ottolenghi, Flavour
Noor’s Black Lime Tofu recipe is taken from the taste sensation recipe book FLAVOUR by Ottolenghi. It is a celebration of vegetables and full of recipes that elevate humble ingredients like the carrot, mushroom or celeriac to show stopping centrepieces.
I made Noor’s Black Lime Tofu a couple of times during my Veganuary experiment and it is my favourite recipe that I made during the whole of Veganuary! The simple pickled red onion is a flavour game changer and I’m now a little bit obsessed with pickling! I served the Black Lime Tofu with Thai sticky rice for an extra decadent twist and a sprinkling of peanuts to add a little bit more crunch.
Noor’s Black Lime Tofu
Serves 4 as a main
Ingredients:
1 tbsp apple cider vinegar
2 tsp caster sugar
1 small red onion, thinly sliced into rounds on a mandolin, if you have one, or by hand (60g)
600ml sunflower oil, for deep-frying
2 blocks extra-firm tofu (560g), patted dry and cut into 2cm cubes
2 tbsp cornflour
2 onions (300g), roughly chopped
6 garlic cloves, roughly chopped
60ml olive oil
2 tsp cumin seed, roughly crushed in a pestle and mortar
2-3 dried black limes, blitzed in a spice grinder to get 2 tbsp (10g- use a food processor if you don’t have a grinder, and pass through a sieve)(if you can’t get any black limes, subsitute with 1tbsp lime juice and 1 tbsp lime zest)
2 tbsp tomato paste
20g parsley, roughly chopped
250g baby spinach
Salt and black pepper
Cooking it up!
Method:
Noor's Black Lime Tofu with Thai Sticky Rice
And there you have it: the tangy taste sensation that is Noor’s Black Lime Tofu!
Let me know if you try the recipe and how you like it!
Find more vegan recipe inspiration in my Veganuary 2021 Roundup.
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Veganuary 2021 Roundup
I finished Veganuary on Tuesday 2nd February. This is because I didn’t start Veganuary until January 2nd due to being rather hungover (oops!) on the 1st and fully unable to cook omnivore food, let alone get my head around veganism!
So why Veganuary?
So, my vegan journey began on January 2nd 2021. My reasons for doing Veganuary this year were two fold.
Firstly, I have become more mindful of my carbon footprint and the impact that it has on the planet. I wanted to do Veganuary so that I would be motivated to search for and try out delicious vegan recipes that I can incorporate into my normal cooking routine. Just by not consuming meat and eating plant-based products instead can have a hugely positive impact on the environment as well as our health.
Secondly, I was intrigued to see whether following a vegan diet would have an impact on my MS symptoms. I have previously tried the Overcoming MS diet which is basically veganism but with seafood and replaces all oils with linseed oil. For me, it was too restrictive and made me miserable, so after 6 weeks of following it I stopped. However, according to medical research, vegans weigh less than omnivores and suffer less chronic diseases, so I thought it was worth giving it a try to gradually move towards a more plant-based diet.
What I ate
I love cooking and so during Veganuary I ate mostly homemade food rather than processed or shop bought items. However, what I realised early on in January was that it is still easy to be an unhealthy vegan if you don’t think about what you are eating.
For about the first 10 days, I ate whatever I wanted and got really excited when I found out that lots of foods were vegan (ginger nut biscuits, certain flavours of crisps, Green and Blacks dark chocolate with ginger...the list goes on!). At first, I ate whatever I wanted and didn’t think about the calories, but about half way through January I decided to try to lose weight as well as following a vegan diet.
This meant that not only did I start exercising, but I also began to watch what I was eating and so stopped snacking on all the ginger nut biscuits just because I could!
Favourite Vegan Recipes
I found some really lovely vegan recipes and not all of them were in dedicated vegan cookbooks. At the beginning of Veganuary I collected together all of my cookbooks and highlighted any vegan recipe that sounded nice and that I thought I would have a go at making. By the end I had a list of about 45 recipes to try so I could have gone vegan for a lot longer without getting bored!
I mainly used 3 cookbooks:
This is a gorgeous cookbook not just because of the cover and the photos and stories inside, but also because of all of the deliciously authentic Palestinian recipes that writer Yasmin Khan has collected on her travels.
Middle Eastern cuisine is great for vegans as traditionally it doesn’t include much dairy and her recipe for hummus is the best that I’ve ever made (I add a teaspoon of Ras El Hanout into mine to spice it up!). I also enjoyed her Burnt Aubergine with Tahini recipe. Both dips served with pitta and veggies made a delicious vegan lunch!
One night for dinner though I cooked her Roasted Red Peppers With Olive and Capers and served it with couscous and it was so tasty!
Roasted Red Peppers with Olive and Capers
My little brother must have been psychic because he bought Ottolenghi’s new book Flavour for me for Christmas along with some of the magical ingredients needed to bring Ottolenghi’s incredible flavoursome dishes to life. This newest recipe book from Ottolenghi is not a vegetarian or vegan cookbook by design, but does focus on bringing out and celebrating the flavours of vegetables, so there were lots of exciting vegan options inside.
During Veganuary I made The Ultimate Traybake Ragu which was so rich, it was incredible that it didn’t include any cheese or meat, as well as the warming Portobello Steaks and Butter Bean Mash.
Ottolenghi Ultimate Traybake Ragu- heaven!
However, my favourite dish and a new firm favourite of mine was Noor’s Black Lime Tofu. The combination of crispy deep fried tofu paired with pickled red onions and deep garlic and lime paste is heavenly.
I found The Green Roasting Tin on my mum’s shelf when I visited for Christmas and spent an entire afternoon pouring through the diverse array of recipes. I was inspired so much that I ordered my own copy the same day! The book is split in half with vegan recipes at the beginning and vegetarian recipes in the second half. What is great about the book is that each section is divided into how long each meal takes to cook, from quick dinners to slower cooks. The highlight for anyone living a busy life is that each recipe requires one roasting tin that you pop in the oven, which means that you can cook delicious, nutritious and healthy meals every day without having to slave over the stove!
During Veganuary I cooked many different recipes from this book...Rukmini Iyer is my new food hero! From the Quick Thai Okra with Oyster Mushrooms and Coconut Milk to the Simple All-In-One Daal with Roasted Shallots, Coriander, Pomegranate and Cashews and Oven Baked Ratatouille, I now have a list of new firm favourites that have been repeated since finishing Veganuary.
All-in-One Daal
My absolute favourite though is her Miso Aubergines with Tofu, Sesame and Chilli. Served with brown rice and a sprinkling of peanuts this is true comfort food for me. The sesame, lime and chilli dressing that you add at the end gives it a zesty tang and the slow roasted aubergines with miso and ginger are decadent! I like to get as many greens as possible into my dishes so I also add a handful of green beans along with the spring greens suggested in the recipe.
Favourite Vegan Products
While I like to cook from scratch as much as possible, life doesn’t always work out that way! Business commitments, hobbies, friendships and feeling really tired at the end of a long day all conspired to challenge my commitment to Veganuary and eating well.
However, I did find some pre-packaged vegan products that I really liked and that I could turn into a really quick and healthy meal on the days when I wasn’t feeling so creative in the kitchen.
These are tasty vegan nuggets essentially, but they are relatively low in calories and are super tasty. Served with a salad, some sweet potato wedges and homemade low-fat tzatziki, I would now choose eating these over meat equivalents any day.
The same goes for the Naked Glory BBQ Tenderstrips. They come frozen which is really convenient and means no waste. They cook from frozen in a frying pan in 10 minutes and can be added to a salad, a sandwich or used in fajita-esque meals. Again, I really like them and they have become my healthy kebab replacement when I get that dirty craving on a Friday night!
These falafels are really tasty and not dry at all. I used them as a meatball replacement and rustled up a 10 minute-take on a tagine using chopped apricots, sultanas, red onion, harissa and a can of chopped tomatoes with a teaspoon of sugar. Cooked down for 10 minutes or until sticky, served with couscous, this was a super quick and healthy evening meal.
Sainsbury's Red Pepper and Chipotle Falafel served with apricot tagine, rice with dill, vegan yoghurt and chopped almonds
The results
The results of my Veganuary experiment are as follows:
1.I feel really proud of myself for committing to something and seeing it through.
2. I now have an amazing list of new vegan recipes that I have continued to incorporate into my normal cooking routine.
3. My breakfasts and lunches are all vegetarian or vegan and at least 2 of my evening meals each week are vegan.
4. I lost half a stone by the end of Veganuary. However, I would like to caveat this by saying that I started to exercise and do HIIT sessions half way through January that had a big impact on my weight loss. I also really started to watch what I was eating half way through the month. So, I wouldn’t attribute the weight loss just to following a vegan diet, I would attribute it to being more mindful of what I was eating and how I was moving as a whole.
Did you do Veganuary or do you permanently follow a vegan diet? I’d love to know about your experiences and if you have any top recipes or tips, please share them with me by leaving a comment!
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My MS Body Mission
It happened- I am technically obese.
Now, I don’t feel obese and I don’t think I look obese– I’m still pretty ok with the way I look and I still feel attractive. However, the fact of the matter is that my BMI is currently 30.6 and that has tipped me over from being overweight to obese according to the NHS. This is not the MS body that I want, or have had in the past.
Me Now
Me Now
This is something that I don’t want to be and certainly not something I would normally want to share with anyone, BUT there is power in being honest with myself and declaring to the world that enough is enough. Also, I am now on an MS body mission!
Weight gain
Putting on weight has crept up on me since I stopped teaching 3 years ago. During the first year after I stopped teaching I put on 1 stone. This is not surprising given that I went from being on my feet 7 hours a day and running up and down 2 flights of stairs to get to my classroom at least 6 times a day, to sitting on my bum aaaaallll day. Plus, I only have to walk 3 streets away to get to my office. This created the perfect storm of sedentary life and even though my diet didn’t change, my weight shot up.
Taking action
I have taken action to reverse this continued increase in weight: I’ve done Slimming World (it works if you stick to it!); I started running (I do it for a bit and then have ended up with no energy for months!), but I’ve never been able to find a diet and exercise regime that I could stick to.
Between January and March 2020 I lost a stone and was feeling pretty good. I could fit back into my clothes comfortably and I felt like I was making good headway towards my goal of losing 2 stone in total.
And then the Covid pandemic hit.
Lockdown life
At the beginning of the first UK lockdown I found myself actually being far more active than usual. As we were only able to leave the house for exercise, I got into a really good habit of walking 10,000 steps each day and really enjoyed it.
Everything was going really well until May 2020 when I am 95% sure that I had Covid (it was when they were only testing if you went into hospital). I was in bed for about 10 days and it took me 7 weeks to get my energy levels back to normal. During that time I couldn’t exercise and completely gave up on eating well.
Eating and drinking whatever I wanted felt like the only thing that I had control over. This made it very easy to justify eating and drinking EVERYTHING. It also didn’t help that a very lovely lady called Kitty who lives on my street made cakes every other day for the entire street during lockdown– delicious but deadly to a diet! Not only did I put on the stone that I’d lost at the beginning of the year, I also put on another one.
Healthy, not skinny
Now, I’m not sharing this because I think there’s anything ‘wrong’ with being the weight that I am. There’s no judgement about it, the only thing is that it is officially “not healthy.
I’ve realised that my problem with losing weight is that I’m actually happy with how I look which has meant that motivating myself to lose weight purely out of vanity hasn’t worked (and nor should it). What I’ve been missing is really getting clear on why I want to lose weight.
Through a recent coaching seminar that I’ve taken part in, I’ve created the possibility of being healthy, not skinny. I don’t really care how much I weigh, but I do care about being healthy. The reality is that the amount that I weigh right now is not healthy. I want to be healthy to manage my MS, I want to be healthy to avoid future health problems and I want to be healthy so that my body can nourish a baby in the near future.
My MS Body MIssion
So, I declare here and now that I am on a MS body mission: a mission to be healthy and strong. My mission is to weigh 11 stone 2 pounds by the end of 2021. This is the official healthy weight for how tall I am and it is also the weight that I have felt the most comfortable, confident and fit being (I last weighed this in July 2017).
Me in 2017
My challenge in achieving this mission is finding the right diet (I’m currently testing out Veganuary) and also working out an exercise routine that pushes me enough, but also doesn’t floor me. I’m looking for an exercise regime that I can consistently maintain, rather than something that risks putting me in bed for weeks and undoing any gains that have been made.
I would love to hear how you keep fit and stay healthy with MS.
Any tips and advice is much appreciated! Please get in touch in the comments below.
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What I Learned From Seeing An MS Psychologist
Being diagnosed with MS isn’t just about dealing with physical symptoms, it can also have a profound impact on your mental health. There is a higher prevalence of depression in people with MS, so making sure that you have a good support system in place and access to mental health professionals like an MS psychologist is essential.
I’m a patient at Southmead Hospital which is part of the North Bristol NHS Trust and the MS team there is fantastic. One of the huge benefits of being a patient there is that they have a dedicated MS psychologist. If you are diagnosed in Bristol, they have a team who guide you through your MS diagnosis in the first few months including a physiotherapist, psychologist and MS nurse.
I was actually diagnosed in Salford and moved to Bristol, so I didn’t benefit from the “onboarding” process. However, after a few consultant sessions during which I would cry (a lot!) my consultant told me about the MS psychologist and asked me whether I would like to have some sessions with her. I had never talked to a mental health professional before as I didn’t consider myself to be struggling with my mental health on a daily basis. However, it was clear through the conversations with my consultant, that while I was dealing with life on a daily basis well, there were clearly underlying issues to do with my MS that I wasn’t processing.
Meeting the MS Psychologist
I had the sessions with my psychologist at the Brain Centre at Southmead Hospitalwhich is where I go for all of my MS consultations. She was warm and welcoming and I felt very comfortable talking to her during the 6 sessions that we had.
All of the sessions were very focused on my MS diagnosis, so there was no “tell me about your childhood” cliched psychology moments! The purpose of all of the sessions was to help me identify how I really felt about my MS diagnosis and work out how to move forward without crying when I thought about what my future with MS could look like.
What I Learned From Seeing an MS Psychologist1. I was really angry
Through my sessions I realised that I was really angry about having MS. I felt like it had stopped me taking advantage of an incredible job opportunity and that many choices had been taken away from me. Ultimately, being diagnosed with MS felt so unfair and I was full of a rage that I hadn’t even been aware of.
This anger meant that I was constantly battling against my MS and every time my symptoms flared and I ended up in bed, the experience was twice as bad. This was because not only did I feel like my life was being put on pause, but I was also getting angry about it and this was having a hugely negative impact on how I felt about myself and my future.
2. I was experiencing a huge loss
When being diagnosed with a chronic illness, there is a grieving process that you go through for the life that you had and the possibilities that the life without illness offered. It was an important realisation for me as it helped me to understand my feelings around my MS diagnosis and gave me an awareness and appreciation of the different phases of emotions that I passed through.
My lovely mum has said to me that it takes 5 years to grieve the loss of something, whether that be a life or a relationship or another kind of loss. I can definitely see that now I am in my fifth year of living with MS, I am definitely on the other side of the grieving process. In fact, I feel like I’m thriving and that anything is possible again, but it has been a long journey with many ups and downs and twists and turns along the way.
3. I was fighting my MS and that is much more exhausting than acceptance
Because I was so angry when my MS symptoms flared, I was fighting it rather than accepting it. This is a really hard thing to do, especially when you’re at the beginning of your diagnosis as there is rage and anger. However, my MS psychologist used the analogy of my MS being like a ball. At the time of attending my sessions with her I was pushing against the ball and using lots of energy fighting my MS and rejecting it. So not only was I exhausted by my symptoms, but I was also exhausted from fighting against them
Instead, she suggested that I try to look at my MS as a friend that I care for and carry with me. So instead of pushing against it, I carry it at my side and we move through life together which uses a lot less energy than fighting. Of course this makes sense, but I found this quite hard to accept as a concept as I was still in a place where I didn’t want to accept it!
Over time and having attended different coaching courses I have now got to a place of acceptance. While MS is something that I live with and which is part of me, I am kind to it, because I am kind to myself. I listen to what my body needs which could be sleep, it could be exercise, it could be more water and I give it what it requires. This isn’t even something that only people with MS can benefit from, it’s something that we can ALL benefit from as listening to our bodies and giving them what they need is essential for looking after our wellbeing.
I am now calm on days that my symptoms flare and instead of fighting them, I take action to make sure that I have the time and space to rest.
Outcomes of talking to an MS psychologist
Therapy and coaching are not magic pills that fix everything overnight. What they do give you are the tools to help you deal with life, moment by moment, and face the challenges that occur with power and integrity.
Moreover, my tangible results after six sessions of seeing an MS psychologist were that my results on the anxiety and depression scale improved hugely and I no longer cry in my consultant appointments! Result!
I also want to say that I now talk about my fears, but truthfully, after my coaching course, I no longer have fears in any part of my life which you can read more about here.
Have you been offered therapy sessions as part of your MS treatment? How do you feel about your MS at the moment?
Please comment below and let me know.
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Keeping Fit With MS
To be honest, I have never been a particularly sporty person so keeping fit with MS is a challenge. I was definitely more music and drama department at school rather than athletic, but I have always been averagely fit. I definitely took it for granted that as and when I decided that I wanted to get fit, I could. I’d start going to the gym for an hour each day or I’d go for runs and after a few weeks I would have got fit and lost weight...thinking about it now though, this may have had something to do with being in my early twenties, rather than not having MS! Getting older is a bitch!
Anyway, since being diagnosed with MS I have had a difficult relationship with exercise and managing my weight as I have found it difficult to find the right balance between keeping fit, burning calories and not completely wiping out my energy reserves. I recently discovered that my attitude towards exercise is “all or nothing” which has been frustrating and disheartening at times. I am still learning, but I definitely think that I am beginning to learn how keeping fit with MS works best for me.
In this blog, I’ll share my experience with different kinds of exercise and what my weekly routine now looks like.
Running
When I was first diagnosed with MS in 2015 I felt out of control. I felt like my body was no longer my own and my symptoms were the worst that they have ever been. I wanted to take back control and seriously considered getting a tattoo (!), before deciding that signing up to run a 10km race was probably the less radical thing to do!
I had barely run before, let alone run 10km and it would have been an achievement for me without MS, let alone with it. Yet, one dark January night while I was feeling a bit sorry for myself as I was recovering from a cold, I decided that I didn’t want to let MS win. So, I signed up to run the Bristol 10km in May. That gave me about 4 and half months to train and so I downloaded the 10K Runner app and began to run 3 times a week.
Training for 10km race
I really liked the app as it helped you to build up stamina and started really slowly which was what I needed as a novice runner. My body would get hot and my legs would get heavy when I ran, but as my symptoms were still pretty severe in general at this point it didn’t seem too big a change in severity. Plus, as I started my training in the winter, I found that it was more comfortable to run in the cool air than when it got warmer in the spring months.
There were definitely days when I didn’t feel like training, but I had used the run as an opportunity to share my diagnosis and set up a fundraising page, so the pledges helped to keep me motivated. In the end, I completed the Bristol 10K in 1 hour 4 minutes and raised over £1000 for the MS Society. I was really rather overwhelmed by the generosity of my friends and family!
Not the right balance
Nowadays though, while I really like running, I do find that it has a high cost with regards to my energy levels. Since quitting teaching and changing my work-life balance, my daily symptoms are greatly improved. As such, when I run, my legs and hands feel heavier as my core body temperature heats up even if they were ok before I started running and to me it’s not worth triggering my symptoms. Also, I have always wanted to get back up to being able to run between 7 - 10 kilometres and the training tends to go well for about 3 weeks before I get completely exhausted and end up not exercising at all for weeks!
So, for me, running is not my preferred exercise for keeping fit with MS unless it is a short 10 - 15 minute run. I have definitely had to let go of the idea that if I run 7km then I can eat what I want!
Raising money for the MS Society by running the Bristol 10K
Raising money for the MS Society by running the Bristol 10K
Swimming
Swimming is really recommended for people with MS as it is a good full-body and cardio workout and being in the water keeps your core body temperature down. I really enjoy swimming and always take the opportunity to swim whenever I’m on holiday and we have a pool. However, just as a personal preference I hate how humid public swimming pools are and I don’t like having to plan my swims around the school lesson timetables, so it’s never made it into my regular MS exercise routine.
Gym
I am terrible at going to the gym. It’s just not really my thing. I have the same problems with the gym as running: I’m not very good at moderating how much effort I put into it! In the past I have had the attitude of “wanting to make the most of my visit”. So, I would really go for it on the machines and make sure I do a full hour workout. Again, this has not been great for managing my energy levels and I will do it for a few weeks, before having a sudden crash in energy levels and not going for ages. I know that it would be better to work out moderately for half an hour each day, but trying to fit that around work and the rest of my life has always seemed a huge faff, especially when I have to drive 15 minutes to get to the gym and then the time it takes to shower and get dressed after- eugh!
Bodystreet
Bodystreet is a gym alternative and there is one in my city, Bristol. It uses EMS (Electro Muscle Stimulation) machines which make you look like you’re taking part in a weird science experiment, but I love it! You wear a jacket and straps that are hooked up to electricity and over the course of 20 minutes my P.T. directs me through a series of poses that I have to hold while electrical pulses run through my muscles. I have been doing it for over a year now and have seen huge improvements in body fat loss and increased muscle mass. It also improves my balance as my muscles strengthen and I practice the different poses each week.
I originally tried it as it said that it only took 20 minutes each week and that it wasn’t necessary to do any other exercise. Each 20 minute session provides the equivalent benefits of 2 hours in the gym, so I thought it would be a good option for me with regards to managing my energy levels and it has been. Plus, my lovely German P.T. Barbara had 5 clients with MS in her studio back in Germany, so she is very understanding about my needs regarding effort and energy.
Walking
Walking is my new favourite form of exercise! When I was a teacher I used to be on my feet all day and didn’t even notice how many thousands of steps I was walking every day. When I left teaching 3 years ago I put on 7kg just from sitting at a desk all day! Recently, I have started to get up just before 7am and am enjoying 1 - 2 hour walks each morning. I have found these walks so beneficial, not just for my physical health, but also my mental health as I feel stronger physically which makes me feel more powerful and positive about myself.
Dancing
I love dancing! I can salsa and swing dance and it makes me so happy! I haven’t managed to find a class that fits my schedule here in Bristol, but the year that I experienced my first MS symptoms I was living in Liverpool. I had the most fantastic time with the Mersey Swing dance group. Doing things that you love, even if you have to have breaks to take a rest, is so important in staying healthy both physically and mentally.
Yoga
My best friend is a huge yoga fan and she has encouraged me to try it over the years. Thanks to her, we went to a yoga fair at Alexandra Palace a few years ago where I met Veronique Gauthier, who is a yoga teacher living with MS. Veronique taught a special yoga class for people with MS and I was so inspired by her that I went to speak to her after the class. Veronique was the first person with MS that I had spoken to since being diagnosed and she continues to be an inspiration to me. She runs a website called Taming the Walrus where she shares her specific yoga for MS courses and writes about her experience of living with MS. I really enjoy doing online yoga courses as it really helps me with my balance and flexibility.
My Current Weekly Routine
It’s cold and we’re in the middle of a pandemic, but my weekly exercise for keeping fit with MS hasn’t really changed.
Everyday (more or less): 7am walks aiming for 10,000 steps
Once/ week:
How do you keep fit with MS? What are your biggest challenges? Let me know in the comments below!
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How I stopped playing small and being scared
It was a Friday morning in November 2019 and I was sitting in a conference room in Ashton Gate Stadium in Bristol. I was sitting in a room with rows of chairs facing the front with about 90 other people and wondering what the hell I was about to experience for the next weekend.
I was about to attend the Landmark Forum after a couple of friends had invited me to do it for over a year. To be honest, I was there to appease them and thought that maybe I could get some help in improving my business and make more money. I was not there for any kind of breakthrough to do with MS, that is for sure.
The realisation
Within the first 30 minutes our leader asked the simple question, “What future do you want to create?” and it really hit me. I knew the future that I wanted, but I had absolutely no belief that I would ever achieve it because now I had MS. During the 4 years since I had been diagnosed, doubt and fear had slowly crept into my life and wrapped themselves around my future like an ivy slowly suffocating my ambitions and I hadn’t even noticed. I had gone from thinking that everything was possible for me in life to living a small life governed by fear about making my MS worse.
When my leader Michelle asked that question, I put my hand up and shared that I wanted to run a successful business, but that I didn’t think it was possible because I had MS. I also burst into tears. She said that by the end of the weekend I would have “disappeared” my MS. As I continued to sob at the realisation of what I had lost, I agreed to commit to fully participating in the coaching course for the weekend. However, the possibility of “disappearing my MS” didn’t seem realistic and I didn’t really believe that she understood the physical challenges that MS presents and that they aren’t something that you can just “disappear”. However, I was willing to give it a go.
So what exactly is the Landmark Forum?
It is very hard to describe what actually happens during the Landmark Forum. It sounds so simple and straightforward...your leader shares distinctions, you share your experiences and thoughts and feelings and over the course of 3 days, people have epiphanies and breakthroughs in every aspect of their lives. The experience is different for every person as we are all dealing with our own issues, but there are common themes that appear in terms of improved confidence, freedom of self expression, healing of broken relationships etc.
The breakthrough
My big breakthrough that completely changed my life happened on the Saturday night. We did an activity which involved facing your fear. We all closed our eyes for what must have been over an hour. We imagined our biggest fear and were invited to fully feel it. We could shout and scream and get physically present to it (weird, I know, but it worked!).
I suddenly saw a wheelchair and I was absolutely petrified of it. For me, the wheelchair was potentially the end game of having MS. It was the worst reality that I could imagine and not only that, but I believed that if I was in a wheelchair my fiancé Jon would stop loving me.
Through doing this exercise and after having been in the Forum for 2 days, I realised that I don’t need to be scared of the wheelchair. I don’t need to be scared of it, because I am completely in control of how I respond to everything that happens in my life. A wheelchair is just a wheelchair. I had made it mean so many other things: that it would ruin my life; that no one would love me; that I wouldn’t be able to enjoy my life.
The fear of ending up in a wheelchair had made me play small and live my life in an ever smaller bubble. I didn’t push myself while at work and would stop working and give in to even the slightest flare of my symptoms because of the fear of my MS getting worse. I had developed a real paranoia and obsession about getting enough sleep and had got addicted to a sleep app that told me if I’d had a “good sleep”. Even if I felt like I’d slept well, if the app said it wasn’t good quality, I created the reality that my day wasn’t going to go well and that I didn’t have enough energy instead of actually listening to my body. It was a vicious circle.
On the final night of the Landmark Forum, I stood up in front of all the participants, as well as my entire family, and shared my breakthrough. It meant the world to me when my Dad said that he knew I was smart, but he hadn’t known how brave I was. I felt so powerful and I took this power with me into doing the next course in the series in London.
Being more than my worries and concerns
The Advanced Course focuses on the idea that we are all a big body of concerns that run our lives. E.g. I’m scared of what people think of me, I’m tired, I’m hungry, this isn’t fair and it is these thoughts that dictate how we live. The Advance Course aims to have everyone work outside of their body of concerns by working at the level of the group. This involves being responsible not just for yourself and your success in the course, but that of everyone else who is participating too.
Again, it sounds so simple, but for me this weekend reinforced my ability to be more than my MS and to be more than my symptoms. The course days are really long: 10am - 10pm for 3 days, plus a Tuesday evening. However, I was so inspired by working as part of a group and being responsible for everyone, not just myself, that I really didn’t experience symptoms during the entire weekend. I wasn’t tired, I didn’t notice any hunger, or if I did, it wasn’t a reason to disengage with what we were doing as part of the course.
The results
They say that how you do the courses is how you do life and I realised that if I’d been able to focus and be engaged for that long on approximately 5 hours sleep each night and not give in to my symptoms, then I could do that in my daily life too. I could stop playing small.
That is not to say that I don’t listen to my body and give it what it needs (mainly sleep or meditation!), but it does mean that I don’t give in to every little twinge when it arises. This is possible because I am no longer scared of making those little twinges mean terrible and scary things. I also know that I can take action in spite of having MS symptoms, especially when I have a clear intention and mission in life that is more important than my own body of concerns.
Participating in the Landmark Forum and subsequent seminars is also why this blog exists. I came full circle in the grieving process and had reached “acceptance”, but I still wasn’t connected with the MS community. During the Advanced Course I created the possibility of being power, love and inspiration. So, I let go of all of my worries about my MS “not being bad enough to write about” and decided to just write about my experience.
My hope is that if even one person finds what I write useful in some way, then I will be happy, so please do let me know what you think about the blog in the comments!
Also, if you would like to find out more about the Landmark Forum, you can visit their website: https://www.landmarkworldwide.com or drop me an email using the contact form.
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